The school year that has lasted seemingly forever has finally come to a close… But not without a few more quotables to last us through these summer months. Some of y’all who follow me know by now that in addition to being a musician, I also teach music to high schoolers and duh-raaaaah…. They have been known to say some pretty unbelievable things… (see: Student Quotables… Vol. 1, Student Quotables… Vol. II, and Student Quotables… Vol. III). To celebrate the ending of this school year, I will supply you with a few more quotables from the final semester… Enjoy!
• “What Time Is It?!?!” © Mo’iss Day
Student: “We’ve got time, there’s 20 minutes left in class”
Me: *Looks at the analog clock, which says 12:30* “Nah man, we have 10 minutes left… You know by now that class gets out at 12:40.”
S: “Ohhhh, yeah.. .I thought there were 10 minutes between each number on the clock.”
• Student answers her cell phone in the middle of class and gets off quickly after being asked repeatedly to hang up…
Me: “Why would you even consider answering the phone in class as an option?!”
Student: “My friend said it’s an emergency!”
M: “How would you know it’s an emergency BEFORE you picked up the phone?”
S: “She texted me first…. I HAD to pick it up because she doesn’t spell too well.”
• The day was Friday, and my student was attempting to argue me down by saying that Wednesday was THREE days ago rather than two…
“Mr. Ferguson… It’s THREE days ago!
*counts on fingers*
Friday is ONE, Thursday is TWO, and Wednesday is THREE. Wednesday was THREE DAYS AGO!”
I literally had to walk him to the calendar and count the days back to Wednesday to illustrate why he was incorrect.
• One morning, a ‘Temptations’ movie vs. ‘The Five Heartbeats’ discussion started with my class in regards to which one they enjoyed more…
Student: “I don’t like the ‘Temptations’ movie… It’s dumb. ‘The Five Heartbeats’ is better…”
Me: “You don’t like it at ALL? Well, tell me why you think ‘The Five Heartbeats’ is a better movie?”
S: “Because it has a better story… AND it has better graphics”
M: “Better………..graphics? It’s…. not…… a…… video…… game….. though…”
S: “But the ‘Temptations’ movie is in black and white and that’s stupid…”
M: “…….The first TWO minutes of the movie is in black and white! The rest is in color…”
• I had on an “Activision” t-shirt one day with their logo from the 80’s on the front of it…
Student: “Mr. Ferguson, you’re not gay…”
Me: “What are you even TALKING about?!”
S: *Points at the small rainbow part of the logo*
M: “That’s Activision, do you know what it is?”
S: “Yeah…. It’s a television”
M: “No, it’s a company that used to put out video games for Atari… an old game system.”
S: “Oh, well…. I was close then”
• One of my students had a grand epiphany in the classroom when he looked up and saw Stevie Wonder’s Talking Book album hanging up on my wall…
Student: “Stevie Wonder is BLIND?!?!”
*crickets*
Me: “Class?…. Uhhhhhhruuhhhh…. Is Stevie Wonder blind?”
Class, in unison: “YEAH!!!”
• I got into a conversation with a student about how I got interested in music and why I teach the music that I do to my classes…
Me: “I teach y’all music that you’re familiar with, as opposed to say uhh….. Mozart.”
Student: “Ohhhh……. That’s a website?”
• For my Tech Heads…
Student: “My teacher told me that there wasn’t any technology before 1996… She said that there weren’t any color TVs before 1996 either…”
Me: “PLEASE sit down to read and research BEFORE talking crazy…”
(9th grade student):
“Get offa there and stop tryna fix that computer, you ain’t no technique!!”
• In showing my class the movie “The Last Dragon,’ I received these questions…
Student: “Is that Nick Cannon?!”
Me: “Is WHO Nick Cannon?!”
S: *Points to Taimak who plays ‘Bruce Leroy’* “Him!”
M: “You do realize that this movie was released in 1985 and Nick Cannon was BORN in the 80’s, don’t you?”
S: “Oh.”
Another Student: *Points at Leo O’Brien who plays ‘Richie Green’, Bruce Leroy’s little brother* “Ain’t that the midget?!…. The midget who died?!”
Me: *Running through my mental Wikipedia files… and mouthing the words, “Midget? Who died?”* ….”Wait a minute, are you talking about Gary Coleman?!??!!”
AS: “Yeah…”
M: *puzzled* “NO. That. Is. Not. Gary. Coleman.”
The movie got to the part where DeBarge’s “Rhythm Of the Night” video came on… El DeBarge is on the screen singing the first verse…
Student: “Oooh, there go Michael Jackson!!”
• Rules?…. What rules??
Me: “So…. Why did you get suspended for so long?”
Student: “Because I brought a knife to school”
M: “Maaaaan, COME on!! What did you do THAT for?!”
S: “I didn’t know it was against the rules…”
M: *blank stare*
• Geography For $500, Alex…
Student: “Have you ever been out of the country on vacation?”
Me: “Yeah, I’ve been to Aruba, which is an island just north of Venezuela…”
S: *Puzzled look*
M: “Venezuela……… It’s a country in South America”
S: “Wait, South America and Africa are the same, right?”
M: *Exaggerated screwface* “NO!! They’re two different CONTINENTS located in two totally separate parts of the world!!”
S: “So you’re telling me that South America and Africa are TWO different places?!!?”
• In reaction to PBS’s website being hacked back in May…
Student: “Don’t you watch the NEWS Mr. Ferguson?! It was breaking news that 2Pac is still alive!!”
• Astrology
Student: “Mr. Ferguson, you hear about the changes they made to the horo… hor….. horophoric?” (she was attempting to say “horoscope”)
• Random
Teacher: “What is a thesaurus?”
Student (10th grade): “A telescope.”
• An Old Favorite
During a school assembly, one of the students stood in front of the the high school students and staff to give a presentation. After asking a question to the audience and not really receiving a response, it turned into him ‘taunting’ his peers, which then in the same breath turned hilarious…
Student: “Man, I thought y’all were smart. Wait, y’all supposed to be smart right?!…. I mean…. Where the smarts come out at?!!?”
Educators, enjoy your summer breaks… Lord knows we deserve it. ‘Til next time, school a child… THEY. NEED. IT….
So, came across your profile on Twitter then came to your blog! This post is HEE-LARRY-US! It's actually quite sad when you think about some of the quotes you mentioned, though. And as the daughter of an educator I totally appreciate where you're coming from. Enjoy your summer!
I would pay CASH MONEY to just sit in one of your class sessions……The struggle continues…#UNCF
I too, am an instructor to Young Adults returning to school. Your blog reminded me that, on one hand, to thank the Lord for my ministry of teaching and helping others and also for lightening the load with laughter. Thanks for sharing.