Student Quotables… Volume IV | School’s Out Edition

The school year that has lasted seemingly forever has finally come to a close… But not without a few more quotables to last us through these summer months. Some of y’all who follow me know by now that in addition to being a musician, I also teach music to high schoolers and duh-raaaaah…. They have been known to say some pretty unbelievable things… (see: Student Quotables… Vol. 1Student Quotables… Vol. II, and Student Quotables… Vol. III). To celebrate the ending of this school year, I will supply you with a few more quotables from the final semester… Enjoy!

• “What Time Is It?!?!” © Mo’iss Day

Student: “We’ve got time, there’s 20 minutes left in class”

Me: *Looks at the analog clock, which says 12:30* “Nah man, we have 10 minutes left… You know by now that class gets out at 12:40.”

S: “Ohhhh, yeah.. .I thought there were 10 minutes between each number on the clock.”

• Student answers her cell phone in the middle of class and gets off quickly after being asked repeatedly to hang up…

Me: “Why would you even consider answering the phone in class as an option?!”

Student: “My friend said it’s an emergency!”

M: “How would you know it’s an emergency BEFORE you picked up the phone?”

S: “She texted me first…. I HAD to pick it up because she doesn’t spell too well.”

• The day was Friday, and my student was attempting to argue me down by saying that Wednesday was THREE days ago rather than two…

“Mr. Ferguson… It’s THREE days ago!  

*counts on fingers* 

Friday is ONE, Thursday is TWO, and Wednesday is THREE. Wednesday was THREE DAYS AGO!”

I literally had to walk him to the calendar and count the days back to Wednesday to illustrate why he was incorrect.


• One morning, a ‘Temptations’ movie vs. ‘The Five Heartbeats’ discussion started with my class in regards to which one they enjoyed more…

Student: “I don’t like the ‘Temptations’ movie… It’s dumb. ‘The Five Heartbeats’ is better…”

Me: “You don’t like it at ALL? Well, tell me why you think ‘The Five Heartbeats’ is a better movie?”

S: “Because it has a better story… AND it has better graphics”

M: “Better………..graphics? It’s…. not…… a…… video…… game….. though…”

S: “But the ‘Temptations’ movie is in black and white and that’s stupid…”

M: “…….The first TWO minutes of the movie is in black and white! The rest is in color…”

• I had on an “Activision” t-shirt one day with their logo from the 80’s on the front of it…

Student: “Mr. Ferguson, you’re not gay…”

Me: “What are you even TALKING about?!”

S: *Points at the small rainbow part of the logo*

M: “That’s Activision, do you know what it is?”

S: “Yeah…. It’s a television”

M: “No, it’s a company that used to put out video games for Atari… an old game system.”

S: “Oh, well…. I was close then”

• One of my students had a grand epiphany in the classroom when he looked up and saw Stevie Wonder’s Talking Book album hanging up on my wall…

Student: “Stevie Wonder is BLIND?!?!”

*crickets*

Me: “Class?…. Uhhhhhhruuhhhh…. Is Stevie Wonder blind?”

Class, in unison: “YEAH!!!”

• I got into a conversation with a student about how I got interested in music and why I teach the music that I do to my classes…

Me: “I teach y’all music that you’re familiar with, as opposed to say uhh….. Mozart.”

Student: “Ohhhh……. That’s a website?”


• For my Tech Heads…

Student: “My teacher told me that there wasn’t any technology before 1996… She said that there weren’t any color TVs before 1996 either…”

Me: “PLEASE sit down to read and research BEFORE talking crazy…”

(9th grade student): 

“Get offa there and stop tryna fix that computer, you ain’t no technique!!”


• In showing my class the movie “The Last Dragon,’ I received these questions…

Student: “Is that Nick Cannon?!”

Me: “Is WHO Nick Cannon?!”

S: *Points to Taimak who plays ‘Bruce Leroy’* “Him!”

M: “You do realize that this movie was released in 1985 and Nick Cannon was BORN in the 80’s, don’t you?”

S: “Oh.”

Another Student: *Points at Leo O’Brien who plays ‘Richie Green’, Bruce Leroy’s little brother* “Ain’t that the midget?!…. The midget who died?!”

Me: *Running through my mental Wikipedia files… and mouthing the words, “Midget? Who died?”*  ….”Wait a minute, are you talking about Gary Coleman?!??!!”

AS: “Yeah…”

M: *puzzled* “NO. That. Is. Not. Gary. Coleman.”

The movie got to the part where DeBarge’s “Rhythm Of the Night” video came on… El DeBarge is on the screen singing the first verse…

Student: “Oooh, there go Michael Jackson!!”

• Rules?…. What rules??

Me: “So…. Why did you get suspended for so long?”

Student: “Because I brought a knife to school”

M: “Maaaaan, COME on!! What did you do THAT for?!”

S: “I didn’t know it was against the rules…”

M: *blank stare*

• Geography For $500, Alex…

Student: “Have you ever been out of the country on vacation?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve been to Aruba, which is an island just north of Venezuela…”

S: *Puzzled look*

M: “Venezuela……… It’s a country in South America”

S: “Wait, South America and Africa are the same, right?”

M: *Exaggerated screwface* “NO!! They’re two different CONTINENTS located in two totally separate parts of the world!!”

S: “So you’re telling me that South America and Africa are TWO different places?!!?”

• In reaction to PBS’s website being hacked back in May…

Student: “Don’t you watch the NEWS Mr. Ferguson?! It was breaking news that 2Pac is still alive!!”

• Astrology

Student: “Mr. Ferguson, you hear about the changes they made to the horo… hor….. horophoric?” (she was attempting to say “horoscope”)

• Random

Teacher: “What is a thesaurus?” 

Student (10th grade): “A telescope.”

• An Old Favorite

During a school assembly, one of the students stood in front of the the high school students and staff to give a presentation. After asking a question to the audience and not really receiving a response, it turned into him ‘taunting’ his peers, which then in the same breath turned hilarious…

Student: “Man, I thought y’all were smart. Wait, y’all supposed to be smart right?!…. I mean…. Where the smarts come out at?!!?”

Educators, enjoy your summer breaks… Lord knows we deserve it. ‘Til next time, school a child… THEY. NEED. IT….

“Laughing At Your Plans” (from Dear Friends: An Evening With The Foreign Exchange)

Clip taken from the upcoming live acoustic CD/DVD “Dear Friends: An Evening With The Foreign Exchange”, available June 28 2011 on +FE Music. Directed and edited by John Elliot Gray.

Source: Parallellogram · Directed by John Elliott Gray

Recorded and filmed live at SoundPure Studios in Durham NC on February 20 2011

Phonte: Vocals – Nicolay: Acoustic guitar – Jeanne Jolly: Vocals – Sy Smith: vocals – Zo!: grand piano – Chris Boerner: Acoustic guitar – Kush El-Amin: Acoustic bass guitar – Tim Scott Jr.: Drums